Drunken Darkness
Ghosts, murder, chaos and mystery......add a heavy handed-shot of whiskey or bourbon and you've got the recipe for Drunken Darkness. A comedic, educational, and downright needed podcast. Join your hosts Mitch and Amanda Kiser as they talk stories of the macabre and mysterious. From gruesome murders, haunted happenings around the world to just plain weird and creepy. So, kick back, grab a cold one, and lets gets weird.
Drunken Darkness
The Call of the Void: When Your Mind Whispers "Jump"
That strange urge to jump from high places despite having no desire to die has a name—and science suggests it might actually affirm your will to live. Welcome back to Drunken Darkness as we dive into "The Call of the Void," that fleeting but powerful impulse many of us experience near ledges, while driving, or holding sharp objects.
Aww, shit, what is up? Weirdos, welcome to Drunken Darkness.
Speaker 2:I'm Amanda.
Speaker 1:And I am Mitch, and we are back after what seemed to be forever.
Speaker 2:It was an eternity.
Speaker 1:It was like a year and nine months or something. It felt like Like you could have had 16 babies by now, before we got back.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:You couldn't have but a normal lady could have had like 16 babies by now.
Speaker 2:I mean, I hope not, maybe two, Maybe Maybe one.
Speaker 1:I don't know. One and a half, but we're back. That's what matters. We are back, I know, y'all noticed that new theme song and we want to definitely shout out our friends Corey and Autumn at Corey Shepherd Music and At so Art for making that beat for us.
Speaker 2:We dig it. It's amazing.
Speaker 1:We like it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We didn't hate the other, but we love the new. And this season, I guess, is all about out with the old and in with the new.
Speaker 2:That's right and it fits us.
Speaker 1:It does. It's weird, I like it. Yeah, I like the little Chewbacca in there.
Speaker 2:I like the weirdness. It Chewbacca in there, A little Chewbacca. I like the weirdness. It's just like groovy yeah it sounds like us.
Speaker 1:It makes it sound like us. What's new? We are back after such a long time. Yeah, you boys had a lot going on To say the least, some surgeries Two, two surgeries, since you heard from us last A back surgery followed by a foot surgery and Followed by a foot surgery, and I've acquired what my wife refers to as Mitch foot.
Speaker 2:That's right. You don't want Mitch foot guys.
Speaker 1:It's not attractive. And when your wife starts referring to you as is that an adjective or a verb, whatever that is. It's not attractive. It's not because she thinks you're sexy, it's not because she wants you, it's because she wants to talk a little trash.
Speaker 1:It's because I have to what you know, I have to take care of that. It's because she's talking trash, because my foot is funky it's. And by funky I mean I stepped on something, I got an infected foot. I acted quickly, just not evidently quick enough before it got infected, uh, and they cut. They cut on it a little bit so a lot. Yeah, they cut on it a lot, so yeah like it's rough looking, uh, but we're, we're treating it, we're taking care of it that's right.
Speaker 2:I became a wound care nurse.
Speaker 1:Guys, she did I mean in like officially, not officially, but she works for me it took.
Speaker 2:It took a week it did.
Speaker 1:She got her certification. She got her mitch certification in wound care in like a week.
Speaker 2:For Mitch Foote only, though, yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't get Mitch Foote, but I'm healing up, I'm good, back's good and strong. Ha, it's not, but that's okay. You know, but it's gave me time to work on the podcast it has. It's gave us time to put some work in and we're glad to be back. Gosh we are hope you guys enjoy what we got going a lot of things happening, uh. We've started all kinds of new stuff we have we've uh facebook instagram.
Speaker 1:We now have a patreon. Uh, we have pushed all this on social media so we hope you guys have seen it. If not, we will definitely drop some links in the show notes so you guys can find your way to that. So patreon is like a paid subscription of sorts it's like so you get that behind the scenes.
Speaker 2:Look for extra content that that we're probably too embarrassed to show everybody but I don't give a I don't believe that I'll show you my midget foot.
Speaker 1:I'll put it up on. I'll put it up on. The inquire is that that magazine my grandma used to get remember those movies, yeah, the star and inquire, yeah I'll put my foot up on that. I don't care. Put it up there, show everybody.
Speaker 2:I mean I'd buy it.
Speaker 1:But we got two tiers, so it's pretty cheap. Like you get on there, I think you pay. We set it up cheap, like three bucks and five bucks, and for each of you normally don't get. You might see some pictures, videos. You might even get a sticker in the mail. We may mail you something random. I may mail you a picture of my foot just out of just random. You may open it up on Thanksgiving Day and be like whoa.
Speaker 2:I mean you might have to leave a comment if you want that.
Speaker 1:I mean, you don't, I'll just send you an address, I'll send you a foot picture. You don.
Speaker 2:Mitch Footpicks Only fans. You know there's an only fans out there for ugly For Mitch.
Speaker 1:Foot For nasty feet. I'll put it up on there. There's some guy out there like I'd like to have me a picture of some nasty feet. I got you, I got this. Only fans for nasty feet.
Speaker 2:Just so you guys know, in the three, four, three, however many years we've been together, this is the first time that he doesn't like don't look at my feet. He allows me to look at his feet, and not only that, but take pictures she has to because it's rotting off and she's trying to fix it he did accuse me of taking glamour shots of it the other day.
Speaker 1:She was like getting down in the light and like she put a wig on it at some point she was trying to talk to it. She was like show me what it's like when the wind's blowing in the city park.
Speaker 2:Just stay real still for me. I just want to take some pictures.
Speaker 1:You're on the top of a 67 Corvette and the wind's blowing just fine and I had to wiggle my toe for her.
Speaker 1:It was odd, but I did it. So, on the real, what happened was I stepped on something. My foot got infected. I let it go for a day or two. It got super infected. I got super sick, cut my toe not off, but like they, they sliced my toe pretty good to get that junk out and so now I'm just healing up for like eight to twelve weeks so we got lots of time, so you're gonna hear about it you're gonna hear about it a lot uh he likes to talk about it.
Speaker 1:Well, because what? Else I got to do let's talk about my nasty foot right. I'll put it off on patreon. Pay me three dollars a month. I can send y'all pictures you want of it. I'll dress it up like a little barbie doll.
Speaker 2:I'll put a little face on it. This is getting real weird. I hope the people listening are real weird anybody listening. This is weird real weirdos this is not for the wannabe weirdos, this is for the real weirdos hardcore, to be honest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, on this level, this is about some weird stuff. We're coming at you with weird stuff this season that's right we're trying to mix it up a little bit, not just you know the true crime.
Speaker 2:We did a lot of true crime we did, you know, so we're trying to like mix it up and and bring the weird things, the conspiracy things, the out there, like you know, maybe beyond like the x-files type shit, you know, like this.
Speaker 1:What's your name? Scully, scully, scully and molder. Is that his name?
Speaker 2:yes, yeah, what's his name? Molder, I'm, I don't Mulder. Is that his name? Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:Is his name Mulder? I don't know. I can't pronounce stuff. You know that.
Speaker 2:It's been so long, I think yeah.
Speaker 1:You remember them weird guys. We're bringing the weird stuff. We're going to bring the true crime.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be honest with you.
Speaker 1:Like I'm not taking anything. I'm taking suggestions. I'm going to do what I want to do.
Speaker 2:You're taking something Alcohol, you're taking something, you're taking shots.
Speaker 1:I am, and tonight it is cheap because your boy is also not supposed to have sugar. Sugar-free, because you know why sugar inhibits your ability to heal. So I am eating all the protein I can and cutting all the sugar out. So today is vodka yeah, smeared off vodka mixed with a hydration packet, because I'm not a dummy. I don't feel good in the morning because I gotta go learn about mushrooms hell yeah, you're leaving in the morning.
Speaker 1:Forgot about that. She's going to mushroom conference. Not even the good mushrooms like the healthy mushrooms, not even like the. Take some mushrooms and seeing like santa claus riding a unicorn through a valley full of clovers mushrooms like she's going to, like this will heal your achy heart mushrooms maybe I'll heal your achy, breaky toe mushroom. All right, cool, I'll take it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. But tonight for me it's Smirnoff. It is also what is this Gingham?
Speaker 1:Gingham, gingham from Pivot in Lexington Kentucky, which we went there the other night before my toe rotted off. Chanda, which is a nice little pub in Lexington Kentucky and they serve their own little house brews.
Speaker 2:That's a nice little brewery.
Speaker 1:It is. It's very nice. We had a good time, and so that's what I'm drinking tonight.
Speaker 2:That's right, that gingham is strawberry kiwi. That's his one little bit of sugar.
Speaker 1:Well, that's because I'm bad out of vodka I didn't drink at all, but you know who's not Out of vodka.
Speaker 2:Cutting out sugar. I mean, I'm trying to do better, but I am not cutting out sugar. I'm having some porch swing wine. It's pink lemonade, you know, and we we taste tested this the other day and it's not bad, especially, you know, if you're looking to not spend a lot of money. And then I love me some raspberries, so I tried some raspberry Smirnoffs, you know, bringing out the wine coolers like it's 1995.
Speaker 1:Stole them from her mom and went in the basement with her girlfriends, which she does.
Speaker 2:Now she's in high school again it's like a Zima with a raspberry Jolly Rancher in it.
Speaker 1:Whoa, that is old school. That is old school, that's what you used to do when you were in high school.
Speaker 2:It is. That's the same shit I did in high school, except mine was travarsky or heaven hill, I was gonna say.
Speaker 1:In high school it was vodka mixed in the water bottles with kool-aid I drank a lot of kessler in high school because that's all the bootlegger had that is the very first thing.
Speaker 2:I got sick on my kessler's rough my high school boyfriend's dad. I thought I could match shot for shot with him and he's a professional and I was 16.
Speaker 1:When you say high school boyfriend's dad, are we referring to your? First baby, daddy's dad, yeah, he probably could drink all of a sudden yeah that's probably not a good idea.
Speaker 2:Well, you know I had had some Zimas already and I don't think— Zimas, that's when you're hurt.
Speaker 1:Corey, like I got you man, I can out-drink you. That's right, I was like sure.
Speaker 2:I'll match you shot for shot. Well, he regretted it because I puked all over his bathtub, all over his shower, all over the toilet, all over the bed. I mean like oh.
Speaker 1:We'll just refer to him as BW. Trust me, she didn't stand a chance. No, no chance.
Speaker 2:Nope, the most I'd had was a wine cooler with my mom that she might under her watchful eye. Let me have.
Speaker 1:It was a real poor choice of mine. It was always Kessler unless we talked somebody's mom into sneaking out and getting us some Heaven Hill vodka and we would take that to school in the Mountain Dew bottle shake that up. I didn't do that until I was a junior Yep, I'm sorry, sophomore years when I snuck some vodka in a Mountain Dew bottle. Yeah, during an important test I had to take, I had to get a 75, I think, on a test.
Speaker 2:How'd you do?
Speaker 1:I'd retook the class the next year, if that tells you anything. Bub got drunk because the night before I confessed my love to a senior girl in school and I fell out of the back of a trailer on my face and, uh, just wasn't a good time but you know what? You're still friends today I mean, yeah, I guess friendly yeah, friendly. Yeah, you know we're all. We're all. Good, it worked out for the best.
Speaker 2:I didn't break my neck it did work out for the best because you got this, I didn't take biology twice, I can tell you all the parts of a frog now you see I done my drinking and art class Just made my artwork.
Speaker 1:Appear, better Appear better to me. Yeah, that's like when I drink and I think I'm like super sexy and I come in the bedroom looking like Superman and then like I get to glimpse myself in the mirror and I'm like whoa, I look like a retired Superman that retired ten years ago.
Speaker 2:You know what my art teacher liked me? She always complimented me. I mean, I'm sure it worked out.
Speaker 1:You compliment me, but that's because you have to yeah, but she made me this really cool sketchbook.
Speaker 2:I don't have to. Yeah, whatever, you know how many wives are mean to their husbands? Probably plenty, I don't know. I'm sure there's a bunch. Right, right, exactly.
Speaker 1:You remember the first time we tried this podcast?
Speaker 2:We killed it. My girl got mean as hell with me. That would have been some behind the scenes shit. I wasn't mean, I was just a little grumpy.
Speaker 1:So when a woman says I was a little grumpy, that means they were mean as hell to you. But that's, you know, that's whatever.
Speaker 2:I was still talking, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:She was still talking, and heaven forbid me say anything so he didn't, so we scrapped it I didn't. I got petty and I didn't say a damn word. But we're here now that's right.
Speaker 2:We scrapped it and we might use that topic later because he wasn't listening to a word. I said yeah, that's because I was being pissed off, all right, so you know what we're gonna do better tonight wow, what are we doing? Tell me what's up well, tonight we're gonna talk about the call of the void call of the void.
Speaker 1:This sounds like a liam nelson movie or a video game I mean or both. You can play liam nelson why?
Speaker 2:is it not nissan?
Speaker 1:well, why have they not made a liam nissan video game yet? You know how badass it would be to be liam niss.
Speaker 2:I'd play that Right, and I don't even play video games. Everybody's ass.
Speaker 1:Yeah, If I could only say you've taught something of mine. I have a select set of skills.
Speaker 2:What are those games? I will find you and I will kill you. Yeah, what are the popular games now? I mean, jude plays all those games, but he puts in all those codes to get whatever in all those codes to get whatever Resident Evil. Yeah, what if you put all those codes in and the ultimate cheat code was that you become Liam Neeson?
Speaker 1:What if your boss level you had to fight was Liam Neeson?
Speaker 2:You couldn't win. No, because he has a select set of skills and he will find you.
Speaker 1:Even if you beat him, then he's going to show up in real life in your bedroom and be like what up bitch, he's going to be at your window and he heck and then he'll be walking through your door as soon as you look and you get the controller out and you just whip his ass.
Speaker 2:But yeah, why not though?
Speaker 1:But yeah, I get you. Call of the Void sounds like a good video game or movie that Liam Neeson would play in.
Speaker 2:Right, like what is this void?
Speaker 1:So tell us about. Call of the Void.
Speaker 2:Why don't you?
Speaker 1:tell me, I know a little bit. Yeah, I know a rock wall.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's okay.
Speaker 1:Or I just decide I want to just go on top of the hospital and just dive off.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's a little different than just deciding you want to go on top. That's a little more worrisome.
Speaker 1:A little bit. Yeah, I just really don't want to go to work. Obviously I A little bit.
Speaker 2:yeah, I just really don't want to go to work.
Speaker 1:Obviously, I think Call of the Void for me is when I've been somewhere and I've just thought in my head not that I wanted to make the act, but I actually wanted to I was like man, I could just drive off this cliff right now, or I could just jump off this building Not that I wanted to do it or I attempted to do it but the thought in my head was like it's there, I, I attempted to do it, but the thought in my head was like I just want to just do it.
Speaker 1:I could just drive off this road right now.
Speaker 2:Yep, that is it.
Speaker 1:But I never knew it had a name until you mentioned it a few weeks ago and I was real big on you not telling me kind of more about it, but I didn't know it was a thing. Actually, I thought there was just something wrong with me for the longest time and then I realized that it was kind of a thing that everybody experiences maybe Not quite everyone. No, no, okay. Well then, I don't know as much as I thought I did, so this is when I hand the stage to you.
Speaker 2:Let me get up on my stage.
Speaker 1:Get up on it.
Speaker 2:Get my pulpit out. I'm about to preach.
Speaker 1:Not really. And the Lord said, ha, give it to us All. Right, I'm going to drink this vodka. You tell me what I don't know.
Speaker 2:This is a weird church.
Speaker 1:Sounds like a fun church to me, any church that's got vodka is awesome.
Speaker 2:Well, most churches have wine. That's not vodka, no, it's not Most churches have a little moonshine in the basement in Kentucky, though I promise you Probably, yep, probably, probably, so sorry, had to get me a little drink, a little drink in her church, in her weird church, she done whetted that whistle. Had some wine.
Speaker 1:So I want you guys to know tonight's episode is a little bit long because we ain't been here in a while. So we're both excited to be here and we want to catch you up on what's new. Right so hang with us. If you're like right now, wish we could get into the topic we are, Sit down, hush up and just enjoy what you got coming. It's coming Because we're coming.
Speaker 2:It is Hey-o, that was coming.
Speaker 1:Here we go.
Speaker 2:All right. So it is that feeling Like have you ever stood on a roof or a bridge or a ledge or like any high place? For me, I get this feeling. It's every time I've ever been to like a spillway. And if you don't know what a spillway is, you know, like on the lake where, like the water's rushing through, it's kind of keeping the levels, however, you know, so that it doesn't flood.
Speaker 2:So if you have ever been in a high place in particular and you thought you know I should jump, or what if I jumped in there, or I wonder what that feels like, maybe I should, and for some people it really like you actually maybe even hear that. So that's the call of the void, you know it's this urge seems to come out of nowhere and then it goes away. You know, just snap of the fingers, boom, it's gone. So this call of the void actually has a name in french, and I'm gonna butcher this. So please, you know, don't hate me for it it's lapel du vide and it is said to be like a sired call, stirring up something within the most primal parts of your soul I have a question for you though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you said that like it usually comes and it goes, but is there any instance that it doesn't go, that some people succumb to this, like call the void? I mean, I'm sure you're gonna get into that but is that okay? That's one of them, it seems like some people don't have maybe maybe the mental capacity, or maybe they're just in a bad spot and it hits at the right time.
Speaker 2:Right, so it's different. Okay, all right, go ahead, I'll let you go. We did that, all right. So with it, I mean it does. It's this thing that almost comes and goes. It's something that some people will be like.
Speaker 2:I've even heard I did read an article and we'll link a lot of these sources in that show notes stuff where a guy was like you know, I was standing on the edge of like this building and like six foot across was another edge, and like I just thought you should jump. And the next thing I realized I was on the other edge and was like, oh my God, what did you do? Why would you do that? And you know, and he was like I was freaking terrified because it was like it hit so fast, and then I just done it. So I don't know if that is the exact same thing, but it was within those articles of talking about this. So there is an author I've just got his last name linked here because I'm silly like that but it's Sartre, s-a-r-t-r-e. He calls it the vertigo of possibility, saying that the void manifests itself as an existential phenomenon. So it's just, you know, existential crisis, like it's just this thing that just pops and it goes away.
Speaker 1:So hit me with the layman term of what you mean by it. Say that word again, because you know.
Speaker 2:Existential there you go.
Speaker 1:What are we talking about?
Speaker 2:Say it for all the dumb folks out there.
Speaker 1:What are?
Speaker 2:we talking about. I mean, I didn't even look it up, that's all right.
Speaker 1:So are we saying this is just something that happens outside the body, that comes in your head and messes with you?
Speaker 2:Existential is relating to existence. Okay, so you know, in relating to existence, it's this thing that just pops.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Within it's, you know, a philosophical like concerned with existence, like the human existence, or logically affirming or implying the existence of something.
Speaker 1:Okay. So basically it just kind of shows up out of nowhere.
Speaker 2:We don't know why, we don't know how Just you're driving, driving down the road and the shit just hits you in the face like, yes, drive off the road, mother, and you just yeah, and you're like, or like people that are like I just have this overwhelming urge to whip it and drive into that car that's coming the opposite direction, or you know whatever this isn't like wanting to like you, like you're driving down the road and like karen and the bmw is on the phone in front of you and you just want to ram yeah, this isn't road rage different. Yeah, this isn't run into that semi.
Speaker 1:And take it, just go, I'm done right, this isn't you know.
Speaker 2:I'm depressed, suicidal, and I've pre-planned that I want to drive into the lake that's a that's a question.
Speaker 1:Is it, is it a suicidal thing? It's not, so it's, and I'm gonna tell you about that man, yep, happy as shit and just be like you know what? I just want to drive off this road yeah, absolutely that's wild.
Speaker 2:So I'm, as you had me looking this existential up, I saw in my notes. So when I talk about sartor, this is jean paul. His book is called being and nothingness. Um, definitely encourage anyone to read it if you're interested more into this.
Speaker 2:So within this he says that our identity is defined by our actions. One is a kind person because they do kind deeds. Our identity is only as limited as the capacity of our actions, is only as limited as the capacity of our actions. So it's you know your actions present who you are, not you present your actions kind of thing. You know your actions define you. You don't define your actions. So people are as capable of doing bad things as they are of doing good ones.
Speaker 2:The difference is in the choices they make. And it's these endless choices the decision to jump off a cliff, for example that feed into the existential questioning of identity. When our identity hinges on the actions we take, the specific agency we have over the corporeal movements feels all the more strangely infinite. We are inherently aware that we can easily jump off a cliff. All it would take is a single step, and though we know we won't really do it, that freedom of choice is staggering. So it's like this I could jump into that, I could see how that feels, but you don't do it. You have this freedom to do it. You could, but you're not going to. It's like that split moment.
Speaker 2:But some people do you say Like there are some instances of some things Like.
Speaker 1:I've been up on some buildings before and I've got the urge to like the maybe it's the thrill Like I remember walking to some. I've been up on top of the roof of some buildings that were super high and I would go to the edge. And I remember going to the edge of a couple buildings and putting my right foot over the edge like way over and like just that thrill. Yep, I didn't want to fall and that's what he's talking.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to fall at all. I love my life. I don't want to die. Even though I got a mangled like mitch foot and a bad back, I don't to die. But I put my foot over the edge and thought I could Like that thrill.
Speaker 2:Yes, and that's what he's talking about, that freedom of choice. It's a staggering thing, you know, because that freedom is there and you're getting whatever endorphin rush or you get it, yeah, you get it hard, yeah, like I was like whoa, yep.
Speaker 2:So if we were to define, you know what call of the void is? Literally, it's an impulse to throw yourself into a void. You know, whatever that void may be, whether the void be running off the road, driving into another car, jumping off a building, it's more associated with those high places. A lot of the stuff is, you know, like this they call it a high place phenomenon, they abbreviate it HPP. So if you hear me saying, oh, the HPPO, that's all I'm talking about and it's pretty common, it's a super common occurrence. Not everybody has it, but it is a super common occurrence and it's said to have nothing to do with suicidal ideation. With that being said, you know, if you know anyone has that suicidal ideation, I feel like you know we just kind of have to throw it out there. You know, if you need to talk to somebody or you need help or you're feeling that way, contact that. You know. National.
Speaker 1:Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988 is the new number.
Speaker 2:There's also that 800 number, 800-273-8255. There's somebody always there, and I mean hell, we're pretty quick to respond, we're here too, you know yeah, don't uh, don't feel ashamed, don't feel, uh, embarrassed, don't feel upset no Way.
Speaker 1:Too many people lose their life to suicide coming from emergency medicine, ems work. We lose too many firefighters and EMS workers to suicide and it doesn't have to be that, but we lose too many people to suicide in general. I've lost too many friends to suicide over the last couple of years. That was way I say unnecessary. I don't know what they were going through, but I feel like they should have talked to somebody. I wish I. Over the last couple of years. That was way I say unnecessary. I don't know what they were going through, but I feel like they should have talked to somebody. I wish I would have talked to somebody. So don't ever feel ashamed to call that number, to text that number if you don't want to talk or to reach out to a friend, family members or a stranger. Yep, and as always, I posted stuff on my personal stuff years ago different accounts, of course. That said, you know if you want somebody to talk to, that doesn't know your bullshit, I'm here, right.
Speaker 1:And I still feel that way, the same way.
Speaker 2:Same here.
Speaker 1:I don't know your bullshit. I don't even care about your bullshit as far as what it is. If you want to talk to me, shoot a message.
Speaker 2:There's no judgment, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, we all got skeletons, we all got BS going on Right, but don't let it take you away from your friends and family and don't do that.
Speaker 2:No, absolutely not, if you are feeling that way.
Speaker 1:Reach out to somebody, man, and you know, don't feel like you're at a loss, Because if you're still here today and you went through some shit, then you're winning.
Speaker 2:Because the world's a darker place without you. It is, it just is.
Speaker 1:And your family and friends want you here. So do what you got to do to be here and let us help you if we can.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. I'm going to put the heavy away for that.
Speaker 1:Put it away, we're going to tuck that away. Tuck it away and we're going to get back into this.
Speaker 2:So there's not a lot out there, believe it or not. On this call of the void, it's not been studied a ton.
Speaker 1:Nobody knew what the fuck it was.
Speaker 2:When you talked to me, I didn't know what it was.
Speaker 1:I just thought I had something wrong with me. I was like I just want to run into that semi.
Speaker 2:So many people.
Speaker 1:I don't want to die Right?
Speaker 2:So many people that we've talked to that are like what's your first episode? And we're like Call of the Void and they'm like I've got all these classified files and I've got all of this and I've got all of that. It was a lot more limited. There's a few podcasts that have talked about it a little bit. So this is, I mean, very scientific.
Speaker 2:I guess there was a study in 2012, the Journal of Effective Disorders, where they took 431 undergraduate students of differing ethnicities, although it was a higher percentage of white people but they looked into that correlation of the call of the void with suicidal ideation. They termed the experience, like I said, high place phenomenon, or HPP, and proposed that it actually stemmed from a misrepresented safety signal or survival instinct. So we'll talk a little bit about that. So they didn't only measure the frequency of suicidal ideation, but they also measured anxiety sensitivity, depressive symptoms and history of mood episodes. So what they found was there was a significant correlation of anxiety sensitivity with HPP and that HPP was increased among participants who claimed to have low levels of suicidal ideation. So the people that were like you I want to do this, but I don't want to die, like I know that I don't want to die, but like, right there, you know, I'm like I should drive into this car, I should jump off this bridge.
Speaker 1:Your prime example Newport Bridge going into Cincinnati. When I walk across to go to football or baseball games.
Speaker 2:You always want to jump, always, always want to jump, always, always, every time I always think I just jump off this moped.
Speaker 1:And I don't. Of course I'm here, but I always get that urge because I'm just right there. Nobody could stop me, I could just roll over it like a whale, I'd just fall over the rail Roll over it, see, and's go fishing at the spillway.
Speaker 2:What do?
Speaker 1:you mean everybody's ever taken you?
Speaker 2:Just every time I've ever went fishing Like my dad.
Speaker 1:What kind of bullshit is that? We've been boyfriends. I ain't never taken you to a spillway.
Speaker 2:We've only been fishing once and I named all those fish and then you filleted them terribly. We've been fishing more than once. Uh oh, Twice.
Speaker 1:Sorry, my bad, I forgot about the pay lake. It's alright, keep thinking we didn't do some shit. Oh, whatever Uh huh Call the void in my ass.
Speaker 2:That's not what we're talking about. How about you call it?
Speaker 1:And remember what you did with your husband. Okay, I ain't never been fishing at the spillway. Go ahead Whatever.
Speaker 2:I've been fishing at the spillway.
Speaker 1:I ain't never been there, so Go ahead, fine deal.
Speaker 2:Did you get that anticipation? But I always thought that it was because the water's kind of rushing out from the lake into the spillway, into, like the creek. Oh, did you hear that? That's the sound of a gingham cider being opened just listening, that's right so get what you got in my own head.
Speaker 2:I thought, well, it's just like that rush of the water and like maybe something just triggered and was like, well, that just is refreshing looking or something.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know, but it was really cool to see that like no, that's, it's just a thing. You know, it wasn't just that you thought the water looked like it'd be a good time, because in all reality, if I was to jump into the spillway I'm not going to live Because at the pressure, at what that rushes out, I'm not going to be able to come back up Unless it pushes me out real quick into the rest of the water. Unless it pushes me out real quick into the rest of the water. But besides, the point with this, like I said, that suicidal ideation rate real low. These are people, most of us, that are, like I know, I don't want to die On the other side really common in those of us, like your girl here, that has anxiety over ridiculousness, over washing dishes when it's dark outside because there's a window and I just know someone's going to be standing in it True story.
Speaker 1:Yes, like no one's going to be standing in the window, that's a true story.
Speaker 2:It is a true story that I don't want a house with a garage because I can't park in the garage because someone's going to be standing outside my garage door.
Speaker 1:Anxiety on peak with this one. It is Over everything.
Speaker 2:Not with this. It is over everything, not everything. Everything.
Speaker 1:I have some irrational things, but not everything. A lot of things a lot of things, a lot, a lot of shit. She'd be like, hey, and I'll come in there like what you got. There's somebody outside. I'll be like shit. I hope not. I'm naked and it's 2 30 in the morning. Why are you up?
Speaker 2:she's doing dishes and thought somebody was outside watching no, nope, no nobody's out there I'm not doing dishes at 2 o'clock in the morning. It's just not happening. It's just not.
Speaker 1:Well.
Speaker 2:Anyways so.
Speaker 1:Somebody ought to be doing them dishes.
Speaker 2:Before 2 o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Or when it gets daylight. So the experience of HPP may reflect the sensitivity that someone has to internal cues and actually affirm their will to live so it is believed within. What this study showed was that having those thoughts actually proved that these people wanted to live more, which really hinges back into that like that freedom kind of thing Like you have, like this overwhelming existential freedom I raise my hand sometimes because I don't know what I want to interrupt you but is that because?
Speaker 1:right, I do raise my hands. I don't want to interrupt you. Is that because you fought that urge? So fighting that urge means you want to live because you didn't drive into the fucking semi or I didn't drive I think so because there's times I drive to georgetown I'm like I'm gonna drive in that semi and just I want to go to work, okay end it and I don't because I don't want to die, right, I don't want to go to work.
Speaker 1:But I, I want to live more and I don't want to go to work, so I just keep driving. So is that feeling like you want to live more because you fight that urge, like you just say I don't want to do that?
Speaker 2:right I think, I think, maybe, like that's what it sounds like to me at least because you know you have like this dizzying freedom. You know you've got um. So what is it, says kirkgaard called anxiety the dizziness of freedom. So it's like this part of human psychology that becomes overwhelmed by those possibility of choices. It's kind of like and I feel like I have that we talked about this when he got his foot and I decided that 90% of the nurses that took care of him were not great. I was like someone's got to be good, I'm going to nursing school.
Speaker 1:We ain't talking shit, but it was a rough time.
Speaker 2:There was some amazing care. There was some subpar care.
Speaker 1:We'll just leave it at that. That's what it is.
Speaker 2:You know that's a story for another day. So when we talked about this, he wanted to pull up like the what'd you call it? The plan where it lists all the classes.
Speaker 1:The roadmap, the roadmap, the roadmap or the pathway to your, if you want to do nursing, like there's a pathway, like you gotta take these classes, then get to these classes. Right, that's the pathway.
Speaker 2:and I told him, like it's not a choice there, but seeing all of it listed together is an exceptionally overwhelming thing for me. And then I get anxious, and then I get in my own head of like I can't do this. So that's that's. You know what that anxiety is? It?
Speaker 1:would be different. So because I'm the exact opposite.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I always print that shit out. I don't just want to sit on my phone or sit on a computer. I want to print it out because I love to look at it, because to me, if I see that shit on paper that I got to take this class and this class, get to this class it sets it in motion for me and I know what I got to do. So I see it on paper. So, like when it comes to stuff like that, we are almost exact polar opposites.
Speaker 2:It's like you're the person that reads the ending to the movie.
Speaker 1:But I didn't do that till recently. I used to hate people who've done that.
Speaker 2:And I'm the person that doesn't want to know the ending.
Speaker 1:Like there's like this urge to know. But also let me tell you the surprising thing that is an anxiety thing.
Speaker 2:Reading it, yeah, having to know.
Speaker 1:Not knowing, because sometimes when I'm watching a movie and I don't know what happens, I get a little anxious inside. But if I read it, I know what's going to happen and I'm super calm then I'm disinterested if I know how it's going to end, I don't care, I'll still watch it.
Speaker 2:But with that road back.
Speaker 1:Life is fucking crazy.
Speaker 2:I am the person that wants to print it out and set it aside so I can check all the boxes off like a to-do list.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will too, but I want to read it 50 times before it starts.
Speaker 2:But I cannot look to know. We were talking about syllabuses, right? If I'm looking at what I have to do at the end, I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I have to know all of these skills that I don't yet know. You know, and that's what it is. It's like these, all of these choices that have to be made, become overwhelming. And that's what they're talking about. Like you have this lifetime of choices to make, you know. It's like why do girls never want to pick the restaurant? Well, don't give me 30 restaurants to pick from, because then I'm overwhelmed by all my choices, because maybe I want five of them.
Speaker 1:Don't lie, I can give you two restaurants and you'll be like, I don't know, sometimes I can give you one. You'll be like if you want tomorrow what I say, one restaurant. I just gave you one choice, right, one choice is all. You got. Yes, and you still said, if you want to come get me, like it was a choice you know, right, you see what I'm saying, right here's the thing, but we're working on healing you.
Speaker 1:Right now you are the focus, not me that's a bullshit excuse but I love it anyway but it's it's funny that you said it because it shows, like legitimately, how different people are, because I really am, like when I was going through medic class or when I started to go through nursing school, I wanted to print the roadmaps out. I wanted to print the paperwork out that just said you've signed up for these courses. This is what to expect, because I wanted to have that in a little neat folder and put it in my notebook and like a little kid. But I looked at that pathway or that roadmap to success they call it sometimes or that ladder to nursing or whatever it was, or whatever you're doing in life, just like now I'm doing data analytics right now through Coursera, and I look at that little map of what I have to do all the time.
Speaker 2:This is not a sponsored ad, by the way.
Speaker 1:No, it's not. They're not paying me, I'm just saying what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:But I go through that all the time because I like to see what all I have to do, like because to me, if I'm looking at it, yep, and I know I've conquered some of it, then I know I'm making, I'm chopping away at that rock and I'm getting there. That's what it does to me, yeah. Like if I see this whole list of things I've got to do and there's 47 things I have to do and I've knocked out only three of them, so I've still got 43 things to do out of 46, or whatever I just said, then I know I'm making progress.
Speaker 2:I'll look at it every time and I see it the other way, right, and that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm like, oh my, God, I still have 43 things left to do. I didn't do enough, right.
Speaker 1:And then I don't sleep at night, stress but if I've got 46 things, that I've got, if I've got 46 steps to get to my certificate of data analytics and I finished three of them in my mind. Hey, man, you've knocked out three things. Keep kicking ass, get that fourth, fifth, sixth thing, and I'll look at it five or six things because it motivates me. Where, on the other hand, we're the exact opposite.
Speaker 1:Right, it's like weighing ourselves yeah, like I weigh myself almost daily and yourself like weekly, if you're lucky, yep, and we say that because we're both trying to lose. Your boy has also lost 50 pounds since.
Speaker 2:November. He has he's killing it 50 pound. Killing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but on the other hand it's just funny that that's we're so.
Speaker 2:Different, Like polar opposites almost.
Speaker 1:but you don't have the anxiety I have. That's true, right, but like I said it, what I said, many people gave me anxiety symptom.
Speaker 1:Oh, the movie thing yeah like that's weird, that like just me watching like a movie that I like, even if it was a liam nelson movie, neeson movie I'm sorry man, I don't fucking know. If it's a liam neeson movie and he's just killing bad guys, like I still like I know that in the end he's gonna get his daughter back because that movie ain't gonna let his daughter die. I know that. But if I read about it and I know that this happens, that I don't stress out about it or I don't feel that anxiety, it's weird, I feel I used to not watch action movies because of the anxiety you're talking about I never had it until the last few years.
Speaker 1:But if I read and I don't know if that started before I started reading about it or if I started reading about it because the anxiety started One of the two because I used to not. You remember, if people read about movies, they were like, oh, I already know what happens. I was like, well, that takes all the fun out of it. And then I started reading about it and I realized it. It soothed me and calmed me down. But now, certain movies I don't.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I like horror movies a lot.
Speaker 2:Let's be honest, you're not as bad about it with movies as you are series.
Speaker 1:Because we never finish them, and so I just like that's why, like we watched the made mayfair, mayfair witches, like the chance of us finishing, and plus it's like seasons long.
Speaker 2:One more episode of this season.
Speaker 1:That's okay. Then there's another season, yeah and we both have jobs and both work. And just like we may make it, we may not. But so I don't want to be stuck. Not, maybe, not knowing.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's the thing, I'm just kidding In all my spare time before I had surgery.
Speaker 1:Audible.
Speaker 2:Also not a sponsored ad, but if you'd like to Right, I would love to listen to books.
Speaker 1:But just say maybe that was from that, maybe it was the, maybe it wasn't the anxiety of not knowing, maybe it was the anxiety of just not knowing because we weren't going to finish them.
Speaker 2:The fear of not finishing them. So why?
Speaker 1:not. We've started a couple of things and not finished them. And I'm like what happened? And this way at least I get to know that's true. Like that movie or that TV show, you read the book Books, books. So I asked you hey, tell me what happens, because we may or may not finish this. And you told me you didn't tell me at all.
Speaker 2:I don't think I didn't tell you everything. You told me that's the first season.
Speaker 1:And we may never finish it. So either I lose interest or I just figure it out on my own and I Google it and that's that Right. So maybe it's not an anxiety thing as much as a fear of like I'm never gonna know if I don't look it up a little bit of both could be.
Speaker 1:It's just funny that you and I, when I talk about this and I'm sure there's other couples out there, other friends out there, other people out there that are that you're just polar opposites when it comes to things that like the anxiety of school syllabus and roadmaps and tv series or the whole. I'm going to drive off this cliff because it makes me feel alive.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm also the person that's like you know what I'm going to take this course and I'm going to print that syllabus off or I'm going to whatever, and it's going to go tuck nicely away and I'm going to check it off as I go, but I'm going to read that whole textbook before I start the class, which is real weird.
Speaker 1:Why would you do that?
Speaker 2:Because, I don't know, it makes me feel like I'm walking unprepared, or I'm going to read the first. So much of it. I'm going to look at that first thing and I'm going to get ahead of the game. So I've read that and then, while I'm completing the first, then I'll look at the second and read ahead, because it makes me feel like I'm ahead and I'm not falling behind.
Speaker 1:But no, I don't do that you know, we have digressed a little bit. That's right.
Speaker 2:So you know, with the HPP, you know I've talked like it's most commonly that high places they're not only urges associated with call of the void. You know, call of the void also really refers to any reckless impulse to do something self-destructive standing on a train or subway tracks and like you're, you know, as a train's coming, and then jumping off of them before it gets that close, which is way like, but thinking about it like, I grew up around train tracks and we used to run the train tracks all the time like and the train. We had a train that came and it was a very slow train. It wasn't like a fast train or anything. It was this little train that went back and forth and and it would be off in the distance and we didn't act like we were scared of it. I don't think it was the same thing though, wasn't?
Speaker 1:like a stand by me episode where you had to run across the bridge.
Speaker 2:Exactly, I got you um, while holding, like a sharp object, the thought of cutting yourself, you know like, oh, this is sharp, this would. And I think about that because as a kid I can remember anytime I picked up a razor I would run my finger across it, like, just like, and I knew it was gonna cut me. But every single time I'd done it and I can remember cutting my finger multiple times being like huh well, that cut me that's wild, because what you brought up in my head just now was something I wanted to say earlier.
Speaker 1:Every time I have you, when I was younger, had a ladder in my hand, I always wanted to like, I always held it over my hand like this yeah, I'd hold my palm flat above the lighter and I would light the lighter until it hurt so bad and I had to pull my hand away. I don't know why. I'd done that, right, like it hurt, like hell, but I would light it and then I would pull it away and I'd let it cool down and I'd do it again. And they do that repeatedly for some reason.
Speaker 2:Yes. Wow the idea of putting a metal object into an electrical outlet. I could just put that fork in that outlet.
Speaker 1:I put a fork out in high school no sorry, Paper clip in high school in an outlet.
Speaker 2:That's dumb. It sucked yeah.
Speaker 1:It was like Everybody laughed.
Speaker 2:It's like the battery to the tongue that I'm volt yeah.
Speaker 1:I've done that plenty of times. Yeah, yeah, that sucks. The paper clip in the outlet was just.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, that's really dangerous.
Speaker 1:I think it was for like to make everybody laugh because I thought it'd be funny.
Speaker 2:That's not funny. I think it hurt my bones. Yeah, I don't remember.
Speaker 1:I remember it sucked, though.
Speaker 2:Right. And then the last one that I've got on my fingers but you think about, like all those movies where like that's a thing, oh my god.
Speaker 1:You know, something I couldn't do. I could never want to shove something in my eyes, though oh, no, never you know how I'm about eyes. I could never. There's no call of the anything. There's no call the wild. There's no bear grills. There's no liam neeson. There's no call the void. That can make me ever want to pretend, think about, do or act upon shoving something in my damn eyes.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I am weird about my eyes.
Speaker 2:You are very weird about your eyes. Don't mess with my eyes, like, even if you've got like an eyelash and I'm like hey, I gotta get something to use.
Speaker 1:Or like freaking out.
Speaker 2:Well, that's the best thing I got going for me. Yeah, pretty bad.
Speaker 1:I don't think everything's failing maybe not everything, hey but my eyes are good, your eyes are good.
Speaker 2:I can see from here to right, I don't know where, I don't know where to see. Cross the road further than I can babylon, where's that at? Definitely not.
Speaker 1:It's there no no, I don't see across the road I don't see the neighbors doing shady shit well, that's a lie our neighbor.
Speaker 2:We did watch neighbors do.
Speaker 1:Some say we weren't our neighbors, but oh yeah, we watched some neighbors somebody's neighbors do some shady shit. That's all right, though I ain't no snitch no, we didn't have to snitches get stitches. They did, they got caught quick like I was making so much? You're making a chicken salad. And they were caught quick. There was cops showed up wherever messed with their own people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like it.
Speaker 1:Not really.
Speaker 2:But so what causes cause of the void? Nobody knows. There's no clear for sure answer, but it's just, it's thought to be related to just the wiring of the brain, that it's just something that's different within people of the brain, that it's just something that's different within people. So individuals, like I said, with higher reported anxiety levels were more likely to have felt the call than those with low levels of anxiety. The lead researcher, jennifer Hames, who did research as a clinical psychologist at Florida State University she's also now the clinical professor or assistant clinical professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame concluded that, somewhat paradoxically, the call of the void could well be a person subconscious attempting to encourage a greater appreciation for what it feels like to be alive Right, as opposed to wanting to lure someone to their demise. So the study seems to indicate that the call to void indicates that someone has a higher than average degree of sensitivity when it comes to experiencing, interpreting those cues. So it's just like maybe you're more of a thrill seeker or you know something like that.
Speaker 2:There was a second study done in 2020, and they used two groups. The first group had 276 adults and they did like an online questionnaire, and then the second group had 94 participants that were known to have a clinical fear of flying. So with this study they found that those who experienced suicidal thoughts were also likely to have felt the call of the void, but they didn't believe that it revealed a link between experiencing and wanting to harm oneself. So it didn't prove that you know you had intended harm or wanted harm for yourself. They kind of came to that same conclusion.
Speaker 2:The phenomenon is more often reported by people who react to the body signal rather anxiously is what they explained. And you know, in other words, people who experience like shaking, like dizziness, muscle twitches, are more likely to recall experiencing this. So it seems as though it's something that many people, regardless of being suicidal and even anxiety, feel, and they just kind of concluded that it's normal and it's not a sign of any kind of psychopathology. So it's, you know, like it's not a sign of any kind of psychopathology. So it's, you know, like it's not like a mental thing, it's not going to be something that we're going to classify into a mental disorder.
Speaker 1:I follow that. Yeah, I believe that more than I do anything else, because I don't think that I like to think. I don't have any kind of mental disorder. I don't have a lot of depression. I don't have a lot of normally disorder, I don't have a lot of depression, I don't have a lot of normally anxiety. I don't have a lot of suicidal thoughts. But I have that thought and, as we've not told people in detail about this episode, as we mentioned what it was about and said, hey, you know it's we've kind of ran down. It's kind of that feeling you get when you want to do this, people be like, oh, I felt this, and it. And it's kind of that feeling you get when you want to do this, people be like, oh, I felt this, and it's people who, as far as we know, as friends.
Speaker 1:They don't deal with these things, so I do like that explanation. It's a explanation there you go makes more sense to me. That's just something that maybe people feel just randomly and it's not associated with anything.
Speaker 2:It's just like if you're driving like, I can do it you know, I think, from what I've like researched and saw, like it affected people different depending on if you were what kind of class you fell into. If you were a person that didn't fall into having like a mental disorder class, the way that it affected you didn't affect your daily life. You know, if you were someone that did and I have an instance of that here, it's a guy named Mark and he has OCD, like a fairly severe OCD, and he talked in his I think it's a blog but I won't guarantee that but he talked about his first experience with him, you know, with it, and he was, I believe it was like walking across the bridge and he was like I should jump and like, literally, was like this voice in my head was like you should just jump off that bridge. And at that point, because of his OCD, it led to an obsession for him of avoiding any kind of high places, you know, and it got to this point that like he was afraid to like go out of the house. He wouldn't go anywhere. That was a high place without like somebody being with him, like it was just this. He couldn't do it because it consumed him, because he had this mental disorder, so and I wanted to talk about it because I thought it was really cool, because he like found this way to take like the control back, um, and he said you know, he was very clear like these might not work for everybody. Definitely consult your doctor, see what works for you.
Speaker 2:But when dealing with a mental disorder OCD, depression, anxiety, bipolar, whatever it may be what he did was he faced his fear. Number one he started walking across bridges, going to high places, even moved into an apartment that was on the eighth floor of his building. He talked to his friends and family, because you're never alone and it's a super common thing. He thought he was alone in this, that like it was some weird thing. It was just him, but it's not so many of us experience it and it's just this weird, random thing that happens.
Speaker 2:He read about it, you know, because, number one, people fear what they don't understand. And when you don't understand something that's happening, like you, what do you do? You just get scared about it, and then you obsess about it and and then it becomes that overwhelming um, and then you know he got information from his physicians as well, like he talked to them about it and he accepted it. You know, like these are the kind of you know, like those steps you know, you accept he realized like a larger people, large group of people, this has has this and it's normal and I accept that I'm one of these kind of you know different people. We all have weird thoughts sometimes and it's okay.
Speaker 1:It's wild, though, because what he felt? There's times that I felt like the thoughts in my head were going to be so strong. There's times and that I've drove home or I've drove somewhere and I've had those thoughts that I was concerned that they were going to be so overwhelming that I was going to do it, right. I didn't do it, obviously, I'm here, right. I didn't want to do it, yep, but in my mind I was like, maybe you stop.
Speaker 2:Stop what it yep. But in my mind I was like, maybe you stop, stop. What do you mean? Like if do you feel like?
Speaker 1:it's going to be so overwhelming like stop the car? Yeah, maybe, but I mean I've not come to that point.
Speaker 1:But I mean there's been times that I've just said to myself like wow, it's a strong feeling, like it's stronger than it was yeah I felt this way, like last night or yesterday or three days ago, but today like, yeah, like I've had the will in my hand, like all you gotta do, all you gotta do is turn that wheel real sharp, and it's that easy, like it's that easy to turn that wheel an eighth of a turn and you're gone.
Speaker 1:And so in my head sometimes I've thought, man, like it's super easy just to turn this wheel. And I've thought to myself, man, those thoughts are like you, yeah, overwhelming, and I fought those thoughts. I was so I like inside that's a win because I was able to fight those thoughts. Yep, I was able not to do and I'm not suicidal, I'm not depressed, I'm not those things Right but that thought in my head was so powerful sometimes that I just wanted to be like wow, yep, and I don't know where I wanted to go, I don't know what I wanted to accomplish, want to die yeah, well, yeah, I get that like I get that feeling that it's like it's way too much.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's like you just don't want to do it, man. You just you're afraid you're gonna give into it yep, I get that too.
Speaker 2:wow, and my favorite of this and maybe it's because I'm dysfunctional, because maybe it's a dysfunctional thing but his very last piece of advice was to make fun of it. And he said you know right or wrong, you know, maybe it's right, it's wrong, but in the moment or after the moments, if you can laugh at yourself or the crazy of Call of the Void, then you're probably going to be okay. You know, like, if you can kind of laugh and joke about it, I can be like oh yeah, like totally was, like I should jump off that bridge, like probably going to be okay.
Speaker 1:I get that too.
Speaker 2:You know, being able to have a sense of humor, and I don't think it's, you know, like you know. It's like being able to joke around about Mitch Foote, even though we knew how serious that was and how serious it is.
Speaker 1:You're joking around about Mitch Foote. I'm taking that shit serious as hell.
Speaker 2:You're joking around a little bit. I've heard you talk to people. Maybe Right bit I've heard you talk to people. Maybe right, but going back to like three dollars a month and I'll show it to you, that's right. See, exactly, I didn't offer to show it to people for money, but I got all them pictures on my phone for free but I'd prefer to be paid for it how you think the bills are getting paid this month. I'm paid for my beauty, don't worry about that.
Speaker 1:That's how we're paying that electric bill right, right.
Speaker 2:But you know we were talking about that whole, like that overwhelming thing, and we've talked for a year now about taking the entire family on a cruise. And I tell you, like our kids are older, they're not young kids, you know, they're not kids that like you're going to put on a leash, like they're at the age that they're fun. You know, the youngest is 12. The oldest is going to be 22.
Speaker 1:So these are not on a leash. He would drink us to death.
Speaker 2:Well maybe, maybe, but like we're not talking about, like young kids that we have to worry about getting out of hand away from us. But I have such an overwhelming fear of taking them on a cruise ship. And after we started mentioning Call of the Void and I started researching it, I was like you know, I think this is that that anxiety thing, because I went on my very first cruise with you. You took me on my very first cruise a year and a half ago, two years ago now, however long it was.
Speaker 1:So we took it last January. Last January, so a year ago, almost a year and a half ago.
Speaker 2:So took that cruise and we got a balcony room. But my first thought looking over the balcony into the ocean was you could just jump room. But my first thought looking over the balcony into the ocean was you could just jump. And so many.
Speaker 2:I know it's not a lot, but people fall off sometimes, or whatever happens to make people fall off. And it made me question and wonder, like is this call of the void stuff? And then I thought after reading this, like do my kids have these thoughts and would my kids be dumb enough to act on it? And I love them and they're not dumb kids. But I'm also like what if they were in a bad place? Or what if, you know, our 22 year old had too many drinks? And like that thought crossed his mind and he jumped. And then my other thought was what if they were dumb enough to try to sit on the side of a railing to take a selfie and fall off?
Speaker 2:So so like I have this like wild, overwhelming fear of like, I guess of people acting upon it. But what was amazing in researching it was seeing that most people and I mean like 99% of people do not act upon this. It's a fleeting thing, Like it's. It's not something that lasts forever. Um, it's not something that lasts the entire time you're on a bridge or, like you know, the entire time you're driving or whatever, and for the most part, the studies have shown that it does not correlate with, you know, being suicidal. It more correlates with a response of a desire to survive and the want to live, not the want to die. So that's just a wild thing.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know it's different because I think everybody I don't know if everybody's experienced it, but I like to assume that probably have. Man, I mean I think everybody. Maybe, if you look back and you think about times, you wanted to do something weird like you probably had maybe not as profound as like I think everybody. Maybe, if you look back and you think about times, you wanted to do something weird like you probably had a maybe not as profound as like I want to jump off the Newport Bridge, I want to drive in that semi.
Speaker 1:But you've had some kind of weird thought, like I want to, I wonder what if I have to drive this knife across my fingers? Or I want to burn you know just something that was going to hurt, was going to burn, was going to scar, was going to injure, but you didn't do it Something that would be harmful.
Speaker 2:Right there, you're harmful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, harmful or even deadly, yeah, that you didn't do, but you could do it. And I think that's it, that's the choice that, like you, it's maybe your way to say you want to live, to say you want to live. Or these people who, who actually go through some kind of traumatic event and they live through it, they're able to say they defeated like they defeated death, like people have fell through niagara falls and lived they defeated it right they've defeated death. People have survived, like wrecks or whatever, and they've survived.
Speaker 1:All sorts of things right and they've, so maybe for people who's not, because I've never done anything the guy that fell off the cruise ship and lived.
Speaker 2:People don't live falling off a cruise ship.
Speaker 1:He survived for like a day and a half in the water and was like ready to go on another cruise which I want to cruise with that guy.
Speaker 2:He played electric air guitar like a mother, I don't know, I put him on a leash.
Speaker 1:You guys should look that dude up. He fell for cruise ship leaving out of new orleans or alabama, I don't remember which one uh on the first night it was during thanksgiving. Uh, dude was. Last thing he remembers was in an air guitar contest and he won they asked him if he had a little too much to drink, and the video they show shows him sliding across the floor with a blue like power sliding with a balloon guitar.
Speaker 1:And then he remembers waking up in the water where he swam and yeah, he traded water for like 28 hours or something like.
Speaker 2:He like discarded his clothes because they were weighing him down and he just like check this guy because he survived some amazing interviews.
Speaker 1:That guy is, you know so people. Maybe it's for people who haven't done anything like that. Like me, I've never experienced anything other than being septic from a foot, anything life-threatening. So maybe my desire to drive into traffic or drive off a cliff and me not doing it, is my mentally way of being like I conquered death yeah subconsciously maybe, that's me saying like I could do this, right, I could die.
Speaker 1:Right, I could go out right now and get in the car and drive on the other side of the road up to the curve and hit somebody head on and die. Yeah, I don't want to, but you could do it right, I could do it.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of things I could do to die, and so if you make that conscious decision not to do it, yep maybe that's me saying man look, I beat death like death ain't got shit on me, that final destination ain't got it on me oh look, I'm not playing with that, I get behind a lot of log trucks, especially here in moorhead, because there's all kinds of y'all's pallet companies and log companies and I get behind those a lot a lot.
Speaker 2:I think about that a lot sawmills, a lot of sawmills.
Speaker 1:Well, I know, but there's like they're pallet mills too I mean there's one.
Speaker 2:There's not a lot of pallet mills in warhead, but yeah, listen to her, listen to her been specific. I'm not saying specific pacific, pacific, pacific I love when people call specific pacific, but really like I think maybe that's a big thing.
Speaker 1:Man is like, right, maybe it's is. If you've not experienced anything like that, it's your way of like putting yourself in that category, like I've never had that almost like an empathetic thing right like. I've never defeated death, but you have, because you could have drove into traffic yesterday. You could have drove across the median into a semi and died, but you didn't. That desire was here, but you said f that and I'm gonna drive on.
Speaker 2:My desire to live was more right.
Speaker 1:So that's your way of saying, hey, I'm gonna live right. So I don't know. I think that's a. This was a cool subject because it's there's so much that's open to perception yeah it's all how you take it and it's all how you want to see it, but there's a lot of scientific stuff behind it, but it's still like, at the same time, it's all how you take it and it's all how you want to see it, but there's a lot of scientific stuff behind it, but it's still like.
Speaker 2:But at the same time, it's not hugely studied. Like I said, both of these were tiny, tiny.
Speaker 1:It's wild to me that it's not studied more, because there's so much random stuff studied and this is such a phenomenon that happens to so many people that it should be studied because it seems, if you're and I don't, I don't mean to offend anybody and I will offend all kinds of people, I'm sure but if you're mentally unstable already and this hits you, it seems like it could be catastrophic.
Speaker 1:If you're in a bad place of mind, if you're already. Maybe you had a bad week, a bad day. You're already a little. Maybe suicide is not the right word, but you're already a little down on yourself. You're already a little whatever. Yeah and all of a sudden right and you gotta drive on 64 to lexington or to wherever you're going and you're like right how easy it'd be. Just be like effort. I'm gonna end it.
Speaker 2:you know what I didn't look into, because I looked at it from like a scientific point, because we're I mean, we're called Drunk in Darkness and it's weird things. But I'm sure that there is a faith point of this. You know, I'm sure that on the and maybe there is something that ties into it I didn't see it Everything really pushed back to the 2012 study, but I'm sure that there's somewhere within 12 study, but I'm sure that there's somewhere within. I mean, I don't know, I would think like Catholic archives or something, because they're probably the most scientific of you know your religions, but I'm sure there's some sort of like faith point within it of if you were a religious person, that you know that. You know the call of the void is really something like the enemy, the devil, speaking into your ear, saying you could just jump, but being able to like that good angel, angel, demon on your shoulder, whatever angel, devil kind of thing, and that that will to live is like that good angel. That's there, that's like.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to do that because I'm going to live Right. I get that.
Speaker 2:So I'm sure there's that kind of perspective too.
Speaker 1:But I, you know, I just it's wild, it's open, it really is, but there's so there should I feel like there should be so, so much more.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what? I guess I'm gonna have to become like a scientist, a psychologist. I'm gonna be a psychologist wound nurse, whatever, because I need to know about.
Speaker 1:Call of the Void. Now that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. You know, I just read a book.
Speaker 2:All the letters behind my name say read the book. There's no more books on it. Nobody else is looking at it, You're not going to do it. That's a lie.
Speaker 1:I'm sure there are people, but like I want to know, well, I mean we know what we know. Uh, I mean, I don't, I don't know. I think it just boils down to that. I think it's a a thing that we self-consciously decide you know what boils down to?
Speaker 2:it boils down to finding a study of people that have this experience that will then donate their brains to science, to study after the fact, to see if there's something different about the brain of these people versus the people that insist they've never felt it nope, we don't believe.
Speaker 1:So I mean that we can do that.
Speaker 2:But I don't think that's gonna answer because there's a ton of things out there that they're saying it's the wiring of the brain who's saying that one person?
Speaker 1:well, there's a ton of people. One person says that I could say it was because it was sunny on the days they interviewed these people and they felt a different way but why not study? There's a study there okay, but there could be a study like that. What if, the day the study happened, those people they interviewed were just in good moods?
Speaker 2:I don't think it was a daily study, like a one day study. What was it like?
Speaker 1:right, we don't know. I mean, it could have been anything. Maybe they were just today, they asked certain questions in a good mood, like ctt's or cte is different, like if you you take the brain out and see like those qualities. I think it wasn't, I don't know. Maybe so maybe you're right.
Speaker 2:I mean it's not.
Speaker 1:I don't think it was like that well I don't know, you know maybe you're right maybe you know people who don't eat their brains and they can see if there's a difference in those people. But what do you? How are you going to? How do you judge that? Because majority of these people didn't didn't commit suicide.
Speaker 2:So there's not a correlation to suicide right, but how are you gonna?
Speaker 1:how are you gonna justify or dignify what people, your interview or your brains are taking? People that agree that, what, that it happens and what are you looking for? That's the thing, like. I feel that way. I've had these instances you're asking what?
Speaker 2:what you look for like you're. You're not a scientist, I'm not a scientist. So what we look for within the brain I?
Speaker 1:mean that's. That's not on me to know, I don't mean what we look for, but what people like. What group of people do you take, because you've got so many people that just like we agree that it's certain things and we're polar opposites, exactly, and that's what you would want.
Speaker 2:You would want an array of different people. You would want an array of what qualifies as different races, of what qualifies as varying. You know, having a mental disorder versus not having a mental disorder, you know. You would want a large portion of people, a large group of people that are different so that you can see if there is something within the brain that is similar, that could tie all of this together, versus a very staggeringly different group of people that have all said I never had that feeling you're right, I never had that yeah I got you okay so what if you?
Speaker 1:you know I mean, I know we're not scientists, but those scientists come together and there's nothing in the brain. What do you think that? What do you think the answer is? Then it's just a spiritual or that's where you go back to maybe the whole I beat death kind of answer. Yeah, I mean, it's just a spiritual or that's where you go back to maybe the whole I beat death kind of answer yeah, I mean it's just.
Speaker 2:It's just something like that's wild you would have to like, create, you know, like it how it goes, like you have your hypothesis and you put forth you know what, what you hope to find, what you think you'll find, and then so basically this is like I mean like years of research. Oh gosh, yeah, I guarantee it.
Speaker 1:But it would be cool to find out.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's going on and they just haven't released it.
Speaker 1:Maybe. I mean, I would like to know if it's something in somebody's brain or something about certain people Like maybe 85% of you know Caucasian males experience this, compared to 85% of African-American males who don't experience this, compared to 85 percent of african-american males who don't right experience this because whatever.
Speaker 2:It was like something super crazy. That was like well, you know, people have this percentage of, you know, blue-eyed people or people that shit.
Speaker 1:Don't say blue. Why you gotta say blue eyes? For what are you trying to say?
Speaker 2:I do, you're like, I don't have blue eyes, just wear by yourself I'm not worried about myself, it's because you have blue eyes and I don't. Okay. Well, I get that, I get that.
Speaker 1:I get what you just said she's like I ain't got blue eyes you do though kind of bullshit is that people that have hazel eyes?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I was just trying to think of something random, oh, you thought, you see where you went straight. We talked about your good eyeballs, so wow, y'all heard here.
Speaker 1:First I get it nonsense it is, though, like it's a wild thing, so it's something that what's cool about this is it was so different than what we usually do, but it's also again so empty-ended. Yeah, because now I don't know the answer. Anxiety, you can't read the answer I don't give a shit about it, because I'm going to still go to work.
Speaker 2:I ain't going to go to work. You're not going to work right now.
Speaker 1:The next day I drive on 64,. I make that urge, but in my mind I'm going to beat that ass and I'm't going to. I'm not going to swerve into traffic because I got shit to do.
Speaker 2:I got to do all this you got to be here because I can't be doing this on my own.
Speaker 1:I mean you can, I'll give you the computer password and stuff. It's fine, it'll be like listening to me and it'll split personalities.
Speaker 2:It'll be like listening to you that day. You were kind of a dick. Hey, finish talking.
Speaker 1:No, that was awesome. And I say that and I don't I usually give her a lot of shit after episodes, but honestly, I've been super intrigued about this because I got that a lot and, prior to her ever mentioning what we were going to do in this episode, I'd always wondered what that. I didn't wonder what that feeling was. I honestly thought it was like a weird suicidal feeling I had and I wasn't suicidal, but I was like why do I want to do that stuff for? So it's cool that you brought that up, because you did bring it up out of nowhere, Like I didn't ask you to do this.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:You didn't ask me for a suggestion. You said I mentioned you. I said what are we going to do for our first episode when we come back? Come back because we were ready to come back strong, we were ready to come back like good we not that we we weren't I'm first to say, our first few episodes like we did six first time, and we just didn't have the right setup. We weren't like good, like we wanted to be, and I said I want to go in this good, heavy, strong, I want to make this what we do right. And you said we're going to call the void and I was like what the fuck is call the void? And when me I was like that's that shit I get when I go to work, I thought it was just a desire not to go to work.
Speaker 2:I mean that might be part of it.
Speaker 1:Maybe a little but it hit home because I get that a lot. I remember going to the cliffs in Grayson Lake, which if you're not from our area you don't know what Grayson Lake is, but it's just a lake with cliffs that people jump off of when they go swimming. They go from like 20 feet to 30 to 80, 100 feet and I didn't want to jump off the big 100 feet one, 100 foot, 100 feet, whatever the correct is. But I would go to the edge a lot and look and I'd hold that foot over and knowing that it was safe then because if you jumped I would probably survive, like I knew people that jumped and like busted their shins or their feet open but you would survive. But I got that same urge from going over to the edge and like looking.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Or putting my foot over the edge and kind of hanging out there for a minute, I got that same urge. Yeah, but when I went to bigger buildings in the city, like we go to Cincinnati or something, and we would wind up, you know, on a high building or in a high room or a balcony.
Speaker 2:Or walking across the bridge to Newport.
Speaker 1:The Newport Bridge, or even a cruise ship, Like I often think on a cruise ship, like what would it be like if I just fell over? What if I just jumped over, Knowing that I wouldn't survive or something? But it was just that urge to do it.
Speaker 2:For me. With the water I'm always like that looks so nice, you should jump in.
Speaker 1:In my head. I always think I can survive water no matter what, even in a plane crash. When I flew to Paris. From New York to Paris was 11 hours. Most of that was over water.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I never worried a bit because in my mind it's water, I'll survive.
Speaker 2:There ain't a damn chance I'll survive. No, 10,000 feet to water is like hitting concrete.
Speaker 1:But in my mind it's water but that I'll survive it did come, I was like I'll make it, I'll be good, yeah, but I know I wouldn't people survive plane crashes all the time.
Speaker 2:Why can't you I mean maybe not all the time, but people- probably because I got two bad legs.
Speaker 1:I'm fat, that's exactly why you'll survive now, because your legs will relax because they'll bend up and break behind me and I'm so, I'm so mean I'm like it's like a, a drunk driver that survives. You're mean. Think about that when we finish this party. You think about how mean you are. I know, think about that. Y'all heard that. First too, my sister.
Speaker 2:I'm so mean, my sister told me last time I seen her she was like you're such a bitch I didn't say it, just know I didn't say it. Hey, listen it's been fun call the void it's a real thing, yeah uh, back to something else.
Speaker 1:I wanted to get back to suicide prevention. If you're feeling it, call those numbers, text those numbers, call somebody. Yeah, don't let it take you out. Uh, if, no matter what you're going through, somebody will listen there is a light, yeah, at the end of the tunnel. It's not I'm not gonna say what you're going through is not like there is a light, yeah, at the end of the tunnel. It's not. I'm not gonna say what you're going through is not like the worst thing in the world.
Speaker 1:I will never say it to anybody no but we can listen and hopefully listening will help. We can talk and hopefully talking will help. I don't know what you're going through, I don't know what your past is like and I don't really care, but I will be here to listen to you. Then amanda will be here to listen to you somebody's on the other end to listen to what you have going on, or just listen to you vent man. There's times that amanda listens to me vent about nonsense and she don't say a word. I just want to talk, I just want to get it all out, and I do, and that helps me tremendously. So don't ever feel like you're alone, because you're not, I swear to god, you're not alone call that number.
Speaker 1:If you don't want to call it, I know you can text it, google it, whatever it be. I think we gave you the numbers. Call a friend, call a family member, call us, text us, message us online. I'll talk to you all day. I love talking to people.
Speaker 2:He might not let you talk. He loves to talk.
Speaker 1:If I've talked mad or all you, I'll tell you all about everything. But, if you want me to shut up and listen, I will too. Other than that, what do we got going on?
Speaker 2:What do we? Got Another episode coming soon.
Speaker 1:Yes, so episodes Wednesdays is what we're shooting for Every Wednesday. New episodes every Wednesday, so be on the lookout for those. Facebook Instagram.
Speaker 2:Patreon.
Speaker 1:Patreon.
Speaker 2:We're talking about TikTok. We just got to figure it. Patreon we're talking about TikTok, we just got to figure it out.
Speaker 1:We're going to put some videos on TikTok. You might see some weird shit on TikTok. We're just pushing everything. We don't push Patreon for the money. I just honestly started a Patreon because I heard about it. We do have tiers tears. Like I said, we started out cheap, like I don't want to take nobody's money. Gas is high, groceries are high, electrics high.
Speaker 1:Three dollars a month, five dollars a month, and we'll give you some extra, extra stuff right, we just thought it'd be cool yeah, we thought we'd like to see some pictures of my feet, maybe some pictures of amanda doing dumb shit maybe some Behind the scenes seeing our jank setup right now. Yeah, we are a little jank setup. We're getting there, but it also comes with more. It ain't all you're getting Like. There's going to be some Q&A, there's going to be some bonus episodes if you hook up. And honestly, maybe some listener requests We'll do that you let us know what you want to see on there.
Speaker 1:Tell you what we have zero, because we just started their Patreon. We have zero, zero followers or patrons. They're called yeah, so I'll tell you what. The first person that joins if they want to give us a topic. Boom, you done. Decided First person to join. You give us a topic it's yours.
Speaker 2:Is it a Patreon topic extra episode or a real extra episode?
Speaker 1:It'll just be the next episode. Whenever they join, the next episode we do will be whatever they say. Okay, given we have time to do it, you will be the next episode to do.
Speaker 2:It will be a very soon episode. It you will be the next episode to do. It will be a very soon episode.
Speaker 1:Right, it will be the next or the next next episode. Yeah, as long as we got time to do the research. The first person to join the Patreon?
Speaker 2:By we he means me.
Speaker 1:I do mean her, because I'm going to. You know, I just drink and do my thing.
Speaker 2:He's going to research liquor labels.
Speaker 1:Your two tiers. As I'm looking it up right now, we've got Sippin' and Scared. For $3 a month, you're going to get some behind-the-scenes footage. You're going to see how Amanda and I throw in a Drunken Darkness sticker. You're going to get some stories, some things like that exclusive content, some shenanigans $5 a month. We call that the tipsy and terrified. You're going to get all those benefits from the $3 a month. We call that the tipsy and terrified. You're going to get all those benefits from the $3 a month. You're going to get an exclusive Q&A with Amanda and I. So you want to ask some dumb questions about, like, how I got Mitch foot or why I limp like I do, or why she's abusive, like she is or whatever she is, and why I take it, why.
Speaker 2:I take it Don't be telling lies.
Speaker 1:I'm not, it's just really pretty.
Speaker 2:It's fine though, but I'm not mean and abusive Well, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, it depends. We'll let the listeners take effect of that. You also get a surprise mini weekly episode with the $5 a month. You get that sticker, you get all that stuff. But you can check it out on Patreon. Just search Drunken Darkness. It'll pull us up and if you do decide to join, you decide to spend your hard-earned money on us. We promise you won't be disappointed and we definitely appreciate all the support you give us. What else? We got new shirts. We've got shirts, Shirts.
Speaker 2:We do have shirts Limited edition shirts.
Speaker 1:We're only doing 50. 50 shirts, that's it. We're cutting it off. Limited edition 50 first runs of the Drunken Darkness podcast. They are badass and awesome looking, so check those out. You can find them on our social media Other than that. We're on Instagram, we're on Facebook, we're on all the podcast platforms.
Speaker 1:Any podcast platform you can find us on. We have a Twitter. I've not pushed all the podcast platforms, any podcast platform you can find us on. I've not up the. We have a Twitter. I've not pushed it Cause I'll be honest with you, I don't know if anybody can give a shit about Twitter anymore. Uh, we're going to do some tech talking pretty soon, I think. Uh, we're on Patreon, we're everywhere, and if we get tired and sickening to you and you see us a bunch, I'm sorry. That's just what's going to happen, because we're going to push the hell out of things.
Speaker 1:That's right and we're going to be in your face and make sure you like what we're doing. Other than that, I do want to say one thing. My boy, matt Cotto, has started his own little company. So for anybody listening that's into extreme sports, specifically rollerblading, if you check out Instagram at Fleabcorp, that is P-H-L-E-B-C-O-R-P. Fleabcorp. It is his new company called Fleabo, where he is making some rad stuff for rollerbladers. I think he does a little stuff for other maybe skateboarders and things like that but mainly rollerbladers. So if anybody is listening who is into rollerbladers, please check out his Instagram Again. That's PhlebeCorp. P-h-l-e-b-c-o-r-p Company is called Phlebo. That is P-H-L-E-b-o. So definitely please check that out. Make sure you let him know that we sent you that way. Check him out again.
Speaker 1:The theme song you heard at the beginning and what you're gonna hear when you're done cory shepherd music his wife or fiance, whatever she be autumn at atomic soul music, art, art, atomic. So art, whatever it's, it's kind of the same thing. Beyonce, whatever she be Autumn at Atomic Soul Music, art, art, atomic Soul Art, whatever, it's kind of the same thing. Corey Shepard Music Atomic Soul Art.
Speaker 2:That's correct.
Speaker 1:That's what they are.
Speaker 2:I'm drinking they know that you got this. It's fine. I got it, it's fine. Check them out because they're amazing. Yes, all three.
Speaker 1:Corey Shepard does a lot of stuff. Local when I say local, tri-state area as far as festivals and music little music festivals around that you'll see Atomic. So Art you can probably find on Facebook. She does a lot of artistic stuff, obviously due to the name, and again Matt is rocking out for you rollerbladers, Anything. I have said plenty. I'm drinking, I'm just going to rambleble. What do you got before we end?
Speaker 2:I mean, I think I've got like, we'll see you next time. You know, let's um wednesday, wednesday wednesday, this episode is dropping.
Speaker 1:If you're listening today, on the day it dropped is gonna be march 8th wednesday, so you can expect a new episode in a week from now.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:That is going to drop for you then.
Speaker 2:So get ready, get ready and get weird.
Speaker 1:Get weird. That'll be March 15th Episode 2.
Speaker 2:And get your drinks handy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, get a strong drink, A hard drink, because you're going to need it. Bye.
